


Broken Things

by Agrona_wizard49



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Pregnancy, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:46:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agrona_wizard49/pseuds/Agrona_wizard49
Summary: Elrond leaves Erestor for Celebrian and Erestor has to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. He finds comfort in an exotic animal and in the reborn elf Glorfindel. The two find out how to heal themselves and Elrond has to come to turns with what he has done.





	1. Prologue: No Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction so be kind. If you don't like don't read. I don't own Tolkien or his characters, I just like playing around in his world.

Erestor lay in bed.

His tears had dried up long ago.

His mind tormented him by repeating the conversation with Elrond.

_I’m getting married…I’m getting married._

The Lady Galadriel would be bringing her daughter from Lothlorien to marry Elrond.

She would be coming soon, within the month.

 

_“Am I not enough Elrond? I love you with all my fëa!”_

_“She is coming Erestor, she needs to come!”_

_“Why do you do this Elrond? Do you not love me?”_

_“I can’t Erestor. She will give me what I need.”_

 

She would give him what he couldn’t, children, heirs. When Elrond had spoken those words his heart had broken.

He could feel it breaking, shattering into a million pieces. He placed his hands over his heart, was it even beating?

Yes, the treacherous muscle was pumping blood throughout a body that no longer wanted to live.

 

_I can’t. I can’t. I can’t._

 

He thought about ending his life. It would be easy. He knew enough about the major arteries because of the many

books he read regarding the elven body. Let Elrond deal with the consequences of what he wrought.

 

He didn’t even fight for me.

He got up off his bed and after rifling through the old cedar chest came up with the dagger. It had been a begetting

present from Elrond. He cried out and fell to his knees, tears blinding his vision.

 

_I’m not enough. Not for anyone._

 

He placed the blade to his wrist but refused to make the line that would cut open his vein. The phrase on the metal

caught his attention. ‘I love you, to whatever end’ stamped out in old elvish script.

 

“Elrond you’re such a liar.” With one swift movement, he brought the dagger down.

He felt so cold. But that was a lie.

 

He couldn’t feel anything at all.


	2. New Friends

Anor’s rays had long set on Ilmadris, and most if not all her occupants were safely in bed. All except one resident.

 

Erestor dropped another thick tome on his desk in the library. The library was his domain, and he knew every book that was housed within her shelves.

He knew the jokes that elves passed between each other when they thought he couldn’t hear, that the library was Erestor’s mistress. That he preferred it to the company of anything breathing. _True_.

 

There was nothing these elves could say that could hurt him though, they meant nothing, and the worst had already been done.

 

Nights would pass without sleep and he would spend most of them in the library, or in the halls of records. Deep passages were built into the heart of Ilmadris. They held books with the black speech, as well as records of elven lineage.

 

Some of the books were old, and contained knowledge that was best left protected from hands that would use the knowledge unwisely, so only he had the key.

 

It made it the perfect place to hide.

 

Elrond was throwing a celebration for the reborn warrior Glorfindel and had invited all of Ilmadris. He knew the half elf wanted him there, but celebrations were really not his cup of tea. Really, any gathering that was more than two people was too much anymore. There was just too much happiness, and it ate at him.

 

Elves were social creatures by nature. But after that night with the knife, the very thought of being with so many elves made him feel sick. He did not crave the presence of his kind, but preferred the company of books. The books were safer. They allowed him to live many lives, delve into the senses of the characters within, and he didn’t have to worry about being hurt ever again. He could read about histories of times when elves older than him walked Arda, and it was like he was with them on their journey.

 

He was the shadow in the library, the unseen hand that guided the assistants through their tasks. He had become a secretive elf, and had protected his privacy with such ferocity that many did not even know where he rested.

 

After Elrond had abandoned him, he had set him up in quarters nearby.

 

_Really what had the half elf been thinking?_

 

He probably had him placed there to spy on him, make sure he didn’t ruin his relationship with Celebrian by blabbing to her about their previous relationship. Does he really think me so petty as to take it out on her? It’s not her fault.

 

Despite being in a relationship with Elrond, there were things even the leader of Ilmadris didn’t know about his own ‘consort’. He had a talent for carpentry.

 

It took almost two years, but what was two years when elves led timeless lives? He built in a simple bedchamber, living quarters, and even added a room for his own personal library inside the library of Ilmadris. The plumbing was hard to achieve but the library was full of books and scrolls that could teach him what to do and he enjoyed learning. It was imperative to him that no one knew where he secreted himself.

 

He had thought of leaving Ilmadris, but he could see Elrond turning the situation to benefit him. As if he would leave Ilmadris for Elrond’s sake. Now, he couldn’t bear to think of the half elf. No. He was staying because if he left, he was afraid he might lose any reason to live. For now, the library was his reason. It might be silly to some, but for him it was all that he had left.

 

At the end of two years his new quarters were finished, attached to the library and hidden away. It was two, long, hellish years of guarding his privacy. Elrond was constantly trying to play matchmaker with him. He figured that if he could get Erestor hitched, he wouldn’t have time to scheme against him. He had told Elrond that he was not one to cross at one point in his life. And that was true. But anger required feeling.

 

After Elrond walked out of his bed, out of his life his heart had shriveled. When the Valar returned him, he didn’t feel anything at all.

 

That was why he was making this special effort of avoiding the celebration, he was pretty sure it was another ploy by Elrond to hook him up with some unsuspecting elf. He couldn’t fake the cheer he would have to put on. Who would miss him?

 

He glanced around to make sure no other elf was present and picked up his candle retreating further into the library. There was an area along the walls that was built like an illusion. If facing the wall, you would miss it. But if you walked along it, there was a passageway in the stones that would lead to a set of stairs, and the stairs led to his door.

 

This passage was along the records on accounting, so for the most part the area was left alone. Erestor dragged himself up the stairs. It had been a long day, and he was looking forward to curling up in his favorite arm chair. He lit the candles around the room, filling it with a soft glow.

 

Slowly he undressed folding the garments and putting them on an old cedar chest. He would send them to be washed later. Out of the wardrobe came a white robe, it was well worn and he tied it around himself. He poured himself a pitcher of spiced wine and peered out of the only window he had allowed himself. It really couldn’t be called a window, it was more an opening in the rocks that some might call a ventilation shaft.

 

He enjoyed it because it also helped to hide his quarters. It was just wide enough for him to peer out. Had he chosen any other robe but white, he would have gone unnoticed. But he had chosen white, and the movement from above caught the attention of one elf, who was down below surrounded by celebration.

 

…

 

Glorfindel had been looking up when he saw the flash of white in his peripheral vision. When he turned though there was nothing there. Odd. He downed his drink and grinned as another elf’s face took up his line of sight. It was someone he knew and he was grateful for it. Lord Elrond greeted Glorfindel and clasped him on the arm.

 

Lady Celebrian trailed behind him and smiled at her reborn cousin.

 

“Glorfindel,” she reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “How are you doing, with all this?” She waved her hand regarding the party.

 

Glorfindel had not been in Ilmadris for more than a week, and already she was worried that her husband was overwhelming him. “It is a fine gathering Lady Celebrian. Your husband is a gracious host.” His eyes wandered over to that dark hole in the rock, he was pretty sure he saw another flash of white but was unsure now if his alcohol addled brain was not playing tricks on him.

 

“Glorfindel, please, call me Elrond. We will be working closely together, and I would care for you to speak freely around me. As my Chief Advisor, I would appreciate it.”

 

Glorfindel nodded. He was hesitant on how he would act as advisor, he was more comfortable wielding a sword. Fighting was more his style. Unless Elrond needed him to slay some council members, he was not sure how well he would do.

 

“Elrond, perhaps you could help me out. What lays beyond these walls?”

 

Elrond noticed where he was pointing, his countenance shifted and his face got a far away look. “The library is behind those walls. I imagine Erestor is probably there now, doing whatever it is he does in there."

 

“Erestor?” He had never heard of such an elf.

 

“Yes. He was supposed to be here to join in the festivities, but I guess he found something to occupy his time.”

 

“Elrond, I can’t believe I have yet to meet this elf. You’ve practically shoved everyone else at me, I find it hard to believe there is an elf that I have not met.”

 

“Well there is. And I don’t shove. I set up accidental meetings.” He looked at his wife

conspiratorially. “If you ever need anything regarding records, or catching up on your history, he is the elf to help you. You can always find him in the library.”

 

Glorfindel nodded and his eyes wandered back to that empty black space. He did not take it as an insult that the elf wasn’t here to meet him. The fact that this elf, Erestor, was not drooling over the reborn warrior was very refreshing. Perhaps he would meet this elf tomorrow. He was definitely going to be on the lookout for such a strange elf. He was so focused on his thoughts of this mysterious elf, that he forgot to ask Elrond what he looked like.

 

...

 

Erestor woke, his day starting like any other. Wash his face, scowl at the mirror, make the water for tea. He combed his hair thinking about the tasks set before him, his fingers mindlessly pulling strands of his hair into braids and then tying them together. A ribbon sticking out of a book caught his attention and he slipped it out, entwining it in his hair.

 

He was not one for embellishments, they served only to draw attention to himself. But today was different, he teased his hair and nodded firmly to himself. It would have to do today. Today, he was going out to the market. He selected for himself a simple tunic made of black. It held patterns and swirls that reminded him of climbing roses. It was paired with a darker shade for pants and black boots. A black cloak completed the outfit and he silently left his secret hideaway. He wondered if anyone would miss his presence.

 

As he crossed the library floors he bumped into Mel. “I’m stepping out, Mel. I’ll be back shortly.” He kept walking and didn’t wait for Mel’s response, slipping out the doors.

 

Fresh air greeted him in the corridor and he breathed it in. He loved the library, but at times it could be stuffy. He would leave the windows open if he knew he was the only one present. He was alone in the corridor and with the wind kicking up he took off at a run. He didn’t care for elves running in the library, but the corridors were a different matter.

 

His legs stretched as he ate up the distance his heart pounding in rhythm. As he slipped around a corner he crashed into a warm body. With Erestor’s momentum both of them crashed to the floor.

 

Erestor groaned and sat up slightly. The other elf underneath him wasn’t moving. He moved his fingers through long golden hair and felt a sticky bump on his head. A stream of curses started going through his mind. He had just knocked out Elrond’s guest, wasn’t his name Glorfindel?

 

“Glorfindel! Wake up, open your eyes for me.” _Nothing_. “Damn.” He placed his ear to the blonde’s chest and sighed in relief when he heard a strong heartbeat. He didn’t know of any elf that had passed due to a concussion, he hoped the blond elf would be fine. Had he seen him?

 

Glorfindel was unresponsive to him so he did his best to tend to the knot that was growing on his skull. He pulled out one of his kerchiefs and after quick consideration, took the ribbon out of his braid and tied the cloth securely to the unconscious elf’s head. “I guess it’s a good thing I wore the ribbon.”

 

The day wasn’t getting any longer and he couldn’t wait to go to market. He didn’t want to have to fight with the other people in the stalls to get what he wanted. He had just enough coin for his ‘purchase’ and that was it. If people started haggling he didn’t know if he would have enough.

 

No one was in the hall so he did exactly what he shouldn’t have. He hid his problem. He dragged Glorfindel into a nook in the hall and used his cloak for a blanket to cover him. “It’s not like I’m trying to hide you, you’re not dead. I just need to go. Might as well be comfortable.”

 

He had meant to meet the reborn elf, but not like this. As he took off he really hoped Glorfindel hadn’t seen him.

 

…

 

Glorfindel groaned as a fierce pain began throbbing. His head felt like the anvil the blacksmiths used to forge their creations. He very slowly rose off the floor, a black cloak he didn’t remember fell off him. His hand clutched the fabric and he looked at it baffled. He had been on his way to Lord Elrond’s office to discuss…what?

 

Elrond had sworn Ilmadris was a safe place but he was beginning to doubt it. Someone had barreled into him and he had lost his balance. All he had seen was a flash of hair and shocked eyes and then, nothing. A ribbon was in front of his eyes. He pulled it off and looked at it. It was scarlet and was darker in some areas where it had soaked in his blood. He hadn’t recognized the elf, but he didn’t know everyone who resided here. Carefully, he stood, immediately doubling over as his vision swam. Somehow, he would have to make it to Elrond. He would figure out later who had crashed into him.

 

…

 

Erestor slipped back into Ilmadris with his bundle securely tied into his tunic. He wished for the cloak. It would help hide the squirming cub he had placed in his tunic. After securing some strips of meat from the kitchen, he made the journey to the library. The books he would need were already on his little table in his chambers. The cub began moving against his chest and he quieted it with soft murmurs. “We’re almost home.”

 

…

 

Glorfindel couldn’t believe his luck. He had been exiting Elrond’s office when he saw the elf who crashed into him. It was the eyes, they were the same. He was holding something against his shirt, and was talking excitingly to it. The strange elf slipped into the library. Glorfindel wrapped the ribbon around his hand and followed him into the library.

 

The elf in question stuck to the shadows, avoiding the middle, and staying near the wall. Glorfindel would have missed it, if it hadn’t seen the braided hair disappearing into what seemed like the wall. He paused and studied the area.

 

It was like the wall had been built like an illusion. Unless you knew where it was, you were most likely to keep walking and miss it. He waited a heartbeat and then poked his head into the opening. There was a set of steps going up to a wooden door that had just closed. _You have no business being here_. He fingered the ribbon going up the steps. I have every right to see.

 

The door knob was unlocked, so he turned it.

 

The first thing he noticed was a chamber. There was a small couch shoved up against the wall and bookshelves everywhere. In the middle of the room was a table. The elf in question was… taking something out of his shirt. He blinked. He had stuffed, what looked like a baby cat in his shirt. It was mewling pathetically. The elf was cooing to it softly and fishing out a strip of meat. The cat greedily snatched up the morsel and once it was gone, mewled for more.

 

“Wow you’re hungry. What am I going to name you?” He chuckled and the sound reached Glorfindel’s ears. It was a throaty laugh, one that was unguarded just like the smile that followed. He would have to make his presence known, he was intrigued and didn’t want to slip back down the stairs.

 

“How about you name him Bellasiel? He will be strong, just like you.”

 

Erestor whirled at the voice and froze when he saw the elf he had run into, in his rooms.

 

“You shouldn’t be in here.” He practically snarled. He didn’t like anybody in his chambers. And Glorfindel, was definitely someone he didn’t want here.

 

“I followed you.”

 

“Obviously.” The cub’s teeth nipped into his fingers and he hissed but took out another scrap of meat. “He is a she.”

 

“Is _she_ why you were in such a rush?”

 

“I ran into an animal seller in the market. A life of cruelty awaited her. She was going to be sold for her coat.” He smiled viciously. “I got to her first.”

 

Glorfindel took another glance at the cat. It was rather large, so he supposed the coat would be as well. She had a unique pattern. Orange with black stripes, and an underbelly of white. Her ears were black as well with one white dot on each of them.

“What is she?”

 

Erestor frowned. “I’m not sure. The seller said she was exotic, and had traveled far to acquire her. At first I thought he was lying and then I got sight of her, I have never seen a creature like her.”

 

“I am Glorfindel, by the way.” He figured he might as well introduce himself. It didn’t seem like the elf was going to throw him out.

 

“I know who you are.” That was his only response.

 

Glorfindel waited but the other elf wasn’t inclined to tell him his name apparently. His eyes bulged a little at the lack of information the elf was willing to share but he guessed he deserved that. He was intruding. He continued feeding the cub until she would take no more. He watched the elf pick her up and place her in a basket that was full of soft blankets. She threw herself into it, and after a while settled down. It was then that Glorfindel noticed the two doors. _Where do they go?_ He could see Erestor was trying his best not to notice him, though his eyes kept straying to his, assessing the oddity in his room.

 

He didn’t tell him he could sit and he didn’t want to intrude too far into what was obviously this elf’s very private life. Finally, the elf stopped moving things about and looked at him.

 

“How’s your head?”

 

“Better.”

 

Silence in the small room. Glorfindel struggled to find something to say and finally his eyes lighted on something familiar. There was wooden box set on top of a bookcase that looked like a chess case. “Do you play?”

 

Erestor’s brain tried to keep up with the leap in topic. He looked where Glorfindel was pointing. “Yes.”

 

Glorfindel tried not to sigh. It was like pulling teeth trying to get this elf to converse with him. He walked over to the bookcase and reached up, bringing down the box. There was a small layer of dust on the lid and he blew. No name was inscribed on the box, so he still did not know who his mysterious elf was. He placed it on the table and began setting up the board.

 

“What are you doing?” Erestor said. His eyes tried not to widen to show his panic. Glorfindel was not leaving, and it was beginning to irk him.

 

“I would like to play a game with you.”

 

“There are many elves that would play the game with you.”

 

Glorfindel tried not to smile. Whoever this elusive elf was, he was trying to get rid of him. “Yes, but they play poorly, and are more interested in gossip than with actual good conversation.” He noticed there was only one chair and decided to stand. The black pawns faced him and he moved his hand to make his first move.

 

Erestor quickly walked towards the table and rearranged the board, moving it so Glorfindel had the white pawns.

 

“I’m always black” he muttered. His hand moved surely and placed his black piece on the board. His eyes met Glorfindel’s in challenge. Gone was the wary elf unsure of his companion. The elf who stared at him so boldly had a sharp mind, and was challenging him. A chill ran down Glorfindel’s spine. Not for the first time he wondered who this elf was.

 

Glorfindel stared at his dwindling pawns on the board. His mysterious elf had successfully managed to capture half of his ‘troops’ and had blocked any advance at making a move for checkmate. In fact, if this continued…

 

“Checkmate.” Erestor called out. He placed his queen down and looked at Glorfindel again. He certainly had a way of making one uneasy by his direct stare. It was the eyes, there was something…wrong there.

 

He would have to learn that technique when he was in council with Elrond and the other advisors. He directed his attention back to the board but there was no hope of escape. With a sigh, he knocked down his king.

 

“You play a cruel game.” Glorfindel began placing the pieces back in the case.

The words shot out of his mouth before he could guard his tongue.

 

“Would you like to come back for another game?”

 

Glorfindel’s head shot up. It looked like his mysterious elf wasn’t completely ice. Maybe he would find a friend in him. “I would like that. Will I be able to call you by name?”

 

Erestor walked him the short distance to his door. “Maybe.”

 

Glorfindel grinned. He rather like this game they were playing. “What if I figure out your name before I meet you next for a game?”

 

Erestor cocked his head considering. “Maybe I’ll add a chair, a consideration for you becoming a permanent fixture in my chambers.”

 

Glorfindel choked on a laugh. A chair would mean that a visit from him would become a permanent thing. He was getting used to referring to the elf as his mysterious elf. As he walked down the steps he considered the wonders Ilmadris hid within her walls.

 

…

 

When the door was closed Erestor dropped his body against it. He began to shiver until he felt like he would never be warm again. What had he been thinking? He didn’t want Glorfindel here, but had practically invited him to come back.

 

You don’t need him. You don’t need him. I need him. Slowly, his heart was beating again. Reaching out for companionship. He could recognize it, but not like it. He had gotten a pet as his companion, wasn’t that enough? She wouldn’t ask questions, she wouldn’t prod him.

 

_She wouldn’t break his heart._

 

Bellasiel. He tried the name on his tongue. “Bellasiel.” Her ear twitched. Her muzzle came over the lip of the basket and two amber orbs studied him. “Bellasiel.” He walked over and stroked her head. She let out a noise that sounded like a purr. “I guess that’s what I’ll call you."

 

 

 

 

Bellasiel ~ (Behl-ahs-ee-ell) strong

 

 

 


	3. A Mysterious Elf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the timeline gets a little confusing but I hope y'all enjoy it ~ some angst and humor are in this chapter

Erestor had been crossing into the courtyard when he saw just another result of his heartbreak. The Lady Celebrian was sitting with some of her maidens. They were embroidering and talking about some such topic he couldn’t wrap his mind around.

 

The Lady Celebrian was with child. Her stomach was already slightly distended.

He crossed the distance to her, his black robes trailing behind him. In one area of his life that he did succeed in, was hiding his heartbreak from the Lady of Ilmadris. He greeted her as he always did. With a smile.

 

“Mae Goeven Lady Celebrian, how do you fare?”

 

“Master Erestor!” Celebrian smiled at the dour elf. “I am doing well.” Her arm took in the wide open area. “I know my chambers to be twice as big as this courtyard but this fresh air, I needed it.”

 

_My chambers_. He had shared those very chambers with Elrond. They had made love on the bed in his chambers, he had lived there with him. Her words ate at him.

“Are those for the children?” He nodded towards the small clothing.

 

She looked at him then cocking her head. “I haven’t even told Elrond there will be two. How did you know?”

 

“He knows things, my lady.” One of the ellyth said.

 

“Master Erestor knows everything to happen in Ilmadris.” The other giggled.

 

Erestor tried to take their comment worth a grain of salt. “An educated guess my Lady, would you craft two identical outfits for one child?” He quirked an eyebrow.

 

Celebrian laughed. “No I guess not.”

 

He bid her a good evening and left, seeking out the gardens.

 

Everything could be brought back to that night with the knife.

He had lain there bleeding to death, blackness swallowing him up when pain surrounded him. Those words.

 

_It’s not your time._

He had felt a soothing presence then. A caress over his brow. A gentle breath giving him back a life he didn’t want.

 

Even the Valar wouldn’t take him. Things had changed dramatically when Celebrian arrived. He rubbed at his wrists. There were two raised scars to mark his shame. When he had awoken, the wounds were healed. The garden did nothing to raise his sour mood. The rest of the day seemed to sink into blackness. He retreated back into the library.

 

...

 

Glorfindel sat in the council room and tried not to lose his temper. They had been at this table for, he looked at the hourglass sitting in the middle of the table. Three hours? They had gotten nowhere with the trade agreements, and when it came to the plans for construction of the bridge that would cross one of the rivers they still hadn’t agreed with who would head the project.

 

Elrond didn’t look that great either. There was a vein ticking along his neck in tandem with his finger tapping on the table. Glorfindel wondered who would break first. Him or Elrond?

 

Elrond slammed his hand on the table. Silence reigned in the room.

 

Elrond, it was.

 

“We have been at this for some time. So, let me help you along. Calaban, you have the most experience when it comes to being in charge of projects. Get together with some of the builders and delegate among them about what is needed. As for the trade agreements…”

 

Glorfindel took this opportunity to jump in. “As for the trade agreements, you can tell the dwarves that we will retain the same amount of Mithral as payment for them mining it off of our property.” Even though he was the reborn warrior, his opinions were still not well thought of in the counsel room. So he used his secret weapon. He looked them straight in the eye, mimicking his mysterious elf. He would not back down. The council room became his battlefield and he would come out of this room victorious. When no objections were made, Elrond finished the meeting out.

 

“Glorfindel, stay a bit.”

 

Glorfindel tried not to sigh. He was looking forward to dinner in the Fire Hall and maybe a little bit of quiet time. The nightmares were coming back and he needed some time to collect himself. He faced Elrond and waited for him to speak about what was on his mind.

 

“You seem to be getting more comfortable with being in the council room.”

Glorfindel nodded. “They don’t respect the weight of my authority, but once they get to know me they will.”

 

“Most of these elves have an aversion to change. Some of them are so old they view change as if it were Sauron on their doorstep.”

 

Glorfindel chuckled at that. Galadriel had been just like that. As far as he knew she still was. “Elrond, a question.” Glorfindel turned now so he fully faced the elf. “What happened to my predecessor?”

 

Elrond rocked back in his chair slightly. His and Erestor’s relationship had never been perfect after his marriage with Celebrian. Erestor had never been the same.

 

“He…he left.” That’s all he could really say, and it was the truth. The day Celebrian arrived, Erestor had resigned his position and taken up keep of the library. His resignation was simple, and to the point. Its message was clear. I’m moving on, as you are. I will take up the care of Ilmadris library.

 

“Is he still here?” Glorfindel asked.

 

“Yes, he is still here.” When Glorfindel didn’t move, Elrond sighed. “He has always been a private elf Glorfindel, I doubt he will give you any advice on how to deal with the other counselors. I am afraid you will just have to learn on your own. I couldn’t even get him to give you any pointers. All he said was don’t let them see you are intimidated. Show no fear.”

 

“You rule Ilmadris, and you couldn’t get him to obey one order?”

 

“He is…” _special? stubborn? My lover that I spurned for an ellyth who could give me children?_ “He is his own elf. He doesn’t recognize me as a ruler of Ilmadris. He just sees another elf.”

 

Glorfindel frowned at this. Had they been in Gondolin things would have been much different. King Turgon would have thrown such an insolent elf in the dungeon. He would have made him an example.

 

Elrond could see where Glorfindel’s thoughts were going. “Glorfindel, have you ever tried to control something that was not meant to be controlled?”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“I understand you used to raise horses, in Gondolin I believe?”

 

“Yes, when we were not at war.”

 

“Was there ever a horse you couldn’t tame?” When he got the nod he was expecting, he

continued. “What did you do with such an animal?”

 

Understanding came into his eyes. “I let him go.”

 

“I let my counselor go because he had lost the respect he held for me.” _True_. “It’s something I cannot get back, not from him. Maybe one day there might be a way to repair what was lost, but once something is broken it is never truly whole again.” _True_. “If I tried to hold on to him when I could not give him everything, it would destroy him.” _True_.

 

“You let him leave.” Glorfindel finished.

 

“Yes.” Elrond said quietly.

 

Glorfindel paused, considering. “Who was he Elrond?”

 

Elrond rose from his chair and poured himself a drink. He quickly downed the first cup and filled it up again. He wasn’t planning on telling Glorfindel. He was a sharp elf and would probably figure out what it is he hadn’t said. That they had been lovers. Something more than lovers. He had believed them to be soul mates. But when Galadriel came to him with her vision of the future he had faltered in his belief. He replied softly. “He was my friend."

 

…

 

That night, when he went to his elf’s chambers instead of the Fire Hall he was asked a question. “Do you know who I am yet?”

 

Glorfindel smiled crookedly. “No.”

 

“Then you don’t get a chair.” A reluctant smile, but it was there.

 

Erestor turned away from the door, trying to hide the disappointment in his heart. He was surprised to find, he had been hoping Glorfindel cared enough to find out. “Do you want to play another round of chess?”

 

“I would like that.” He went to the bookshelf and retrieved the game. After setting it up, he made his first move. He had been studying the game of chess in his spare time. It didn’t help. He still lost the game.

 

“Will I earn anything if I win a game?”

 

Erestor was silent, staring at him in that odd way of his. Finally, he answered. “A cup.”

 

Glorfindel laughed now. Full and hearty, throwing his head back his shoulders shaking. He had never had to work so hard for the attention of any elf. But for this one, he had to work very hard. “Then I will beat you in this game.”

 

Erestor sighed. “Not likely.” His hands quickly set up the pieces again.

 

Glorfindel watched those fingers. They were very adept and looked to be calloused. He had surmised that this elf worked in the library, but who knew shelving books could build callouses on the skin? Erestor made his move and then rose, taking out a simple cup. He filled it with a spiced wine and held it out to Glorfindel.

 

Glorfindel took it, a question in his eyes. “I haven’t beaten you yet.”

 

“If I wait until then, you will never drink anything here. You may use my cup.”

 

A privilege then. He cheered the empty air in front of the elf and sipped the drink. Erestor eyed him but repeated the action throwing the bottle back and taking a deep swallow. The sleeve slipped from his arm and Glorfindel almost choked at what he saw.

 

_A deep scar across the_ _wrist._

 

He hid his reaction and made his move on the chess board. He would think about what he saw later, and wonder how such a mark got there. He would not be earning his cup tonight it seemed, his elf beat him again.

 

Erestor put up the set and walked Glorfindel to his door.

 

“Come out with me for a walk.” Glorfindel tugged on the sleeve as if to pull the elf out of the dark chambers.

 

Erestor ripped himself free of Glorfindel’s grasp folding his arms in the robes. He furrowed his eyebrows at Glorfindel.

 

The rejection was clear in his eyes and Glorfindel sighed.

 

“Another night maybe?” He was surprised to find himself hopeful that the elf would say yes. Erestor considered his proposal and whispered “Maybe another night.”

 

Glorfindel nodded and stepped out. “I still don’t know your name.”

 

“Find out for yourself. Good night Glorfindel.” He closed the door in the blond’s face. He had chased Elrond all throughout their relationship he had come to realize, he was done chasing. Glorfindel walked down the steps his curiosity rising again. He would figure out who his mysterious elf was.

 

…

 

Glorfindel’s nights in Ilmadris progressed like this. Mornings spent in the council room with Elrond, and nights spent with his mysterious elf. He had earned his cup the fourth night, but he had yet to earn his chair. He had been in Ilmadris for a short time, but he had found his routine. It wasn’t long though before the nightmares he feared began to affect him on a more permanent basis. They didn’t start right away, and most nights he didn’t even remember them. This night though, was one of the worst ones.

 

…

 

_The nightmares came to him swiftly, chasing away a peaceful rest._

_His left side was on fire from where the Balrog’s whip had landed. His leg wasn’t working_ _properly, he thought he might have twisted it after he fell. Ecthelion. He was dead. His friend was dead, and the city he had grown up in and loved was dying as well._

_All around him there was_ _fire._

_Flames that consumed the living, as well as the dead. Would anyone remember his city,_ _would anyone remember Gondolin?_

_His mind focused back on the battle at hand. He wasn’t through yet. He would keep defending_ _his city until his last breath! The Balrog raised its arm, it’s tongue darting out as if he could taste the elf’s pain. The arm came down and Glorfindel cried out as the lash wrapped around his side._

_Pain so intense he crashed to his knees. The smell of burnt flesh went up his nose and gagged._ _I have to…_

_He severed the fiery whip with his sword and with the last of his strength he beat the Balrog o_ _ff the ledge, his last stroke causing the fiery creature to fall. Before he could howl his triumph, he felt his hair being snagged. The creature had enough strength for this last moved. As it plummeted off the cliff side it dragged Glorfindel of Gondolin, of the house of the Golden Flower down to his death._

_He did not even have time to scream as he died, he hit the cli_ _ff side below._

 

...

 

Glorfindel woke up with a shout. He didn’t realize he had been screaming. He clutched his head, brushing the old scar from where the whip had bit into his skin. It was hot to the touch. The scar tissue was sensitive, and he could have sworn it was still on fire.

 

_Phantom pain._

 

He tried not to think about how he was trembling. He couldn’t even light his bedroom lamp. After a while he didn’t even want to. The fire reminded him of the Balrog. He sat in his room, in the dark. Once he could control the tremors, he dressed quickly. Over time, when the nightmares had gotten too much he would retreat to the one elf who didn’t question him. Didn’t actively seek him out. He arrived at his elf’s chambers without bumping into anyone. The door opened before he could knock. Erestor opened the door and stared at a bedraggled Glorfindel.

 

“Glorfindel?”

 

“Hey.” He smiled, or tried to.

Erestor didn’t know what to make of the elf who came to him tonight. Glorfindel was normally such a vibrant elf. Full of life. This elf though, was ashen in color and there were dark circles around his eyes. His normally stupid blue eyes were void of their usual luster. “Hey.” he said.

 

Rarely did he touch other elves but he made contact with Glorfindel. Reaching for him he clasped his arm. “Another nightmare?”

 

“They won’t stop. I don’t know why.”

 

Bellasiel ran to greet him. She had grown and was larger than a dog now. He wondered if she would ever stop. “Hey little one.” He bent to give her a thorough rub.

 

“Meldir, I know your privacy is important to you, but can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

 

Erestor heard Glorfindel’s words, but what he remembered was Elrond.

 

_Elrond was on his doorstep, there were bags under his eyes, and the half elf looked like he was_ _wasting away. “Erestor, I can’t spend this night by myself. Can I stay with you tonight?”_

_Erestor crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. “Gilgalad wouldn’t approve of you_ _suffering like this.”_

_Elrond looked down at the ground, his eyes shining with tears. “I can’t help it Erestor, I miss him_ _so much.”_

_Erestor pulled Elrond into his embrace. “Of course, you can stay with me.”_

 

The urge to push Glorfindel away was strong. Why did he have to constantly be the rock in a relationship? Was he not allowed to be the weak one? Who did he have to lean on?

 

“Get in here Glorfindel. I wouldn’t turn away a stray cat stranded in a storm, why do you think I would turn you away?”

 

Erestor turned and went further in the room putting a pot of tea to boil.

 

“You’re likening me to a cat?”

 

“I like them better than dogs.”

 

“You would.” Glorfindel walked in closing the door. Not only had he earned his cup, but permission to sit on the couch. He sat down rubbing his arms. Erestor retrieved a blanket and placed it around Glorfindel. “The dreams again?”

 

Glorfindel put his hands on his face. “They’re terrible, meldir. I don’t know why the

Valar didn’t take them away when I was reborn.”

 

“The Valar can be cruel at times, to those living on Arda.”

 

Glorfindel’s head shot up. “Don’t say that.”

 

Erestor narrowed his eyes. “If you do not walk in the shoes of your creation, then it is cruel to think you know what they need.” He stood and retrieved the tea. After putting something in the bottom of the cup he poured the steaming water on top. “Here, drink this.”

 

Glorfindel eyed the cup suspiciously. “What is it.”

 

“Chamomile tea. It always helped me sleep.”

 

The words were out of Glorfindel’s mouth before he could stop them. The nightmares causing him to speak without thinking. “What would a librarian know of nightmares?”

 

The eyes that were so different, so strange, pierced him on the couch. “You do not have to be reborn to have nightmares of death. You just don’t have the privilege of them being of your own.” Erestor rose and retreated into his room slamming the door.

 

Glorfindel shivered. He had a blanket and hot tea to keep him warm, but his elf's words had managed to chill him again. He had really stepped into it. He knew nothing of the life his elf had led, come to think of it, he didn’t even know how old he was either. He could have fought in the Last Alliance. There was a lot of death then. He had to apologize. He got up, blanket wrapped around himself, tea in hand and knocked on the door.

 

“Meldir?”

 

“Go away and sleep, Glorfindel. You can have the couch.”

“Meldir, please. I want to apologize.” There was no response. He touched the door knob and the door swung open, revealing his elf sitting on a bed.

 

Erestor looked up his eyes narrowed in anger. “I said go away, and sleep.”

 

“I wanted to say, I’m sorry. I spoke in anger. Despite all the time we have spent together, I don’t really know you at all. I have no idea what your life entails.”

 

He wasn’t Elrond. He owed it to Glorfindel he supposed, he was doing the best he could. “Come on in then. Don’t close the door, Bellasiel will join us when she’s ready to sleep.”

 

Glorfindel sat down on the edge of the bed. His elf was shirtless, only dressed in sleep pants. The scars on his wrists were more prominent now. He wondered not for the first time how he had gotten them.

 

“I am going to sleep Glorfindel.” He stood and pulled the covers back. “The left side is mine, you can sleep on the right.”

 

Glorfindel didn’t think it odd that he slept near an elf he barely knew. He had slept in friendship with Ecthelion all the time when they were growing up. When either of them had needed comfort, they had slipped into the others bed. He folded the blanket and removed his shirt.

 

Erestor gasped when he saw the scars on Glorfindel’s back.

 

Glorfindel flinched. “I’ll sleep with a shirt on if it bothers you.”

 

“It’s alright.” He looked Glorfindel in the eye. “We all have scars Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel nodded. He climbed under the covers facing his friend. “Are you going to tell me your name?”

 

“You haven’t earned it yet.” Erestor climbed under the covers.

 

“Goodnight Meldir.”

 

“Goodnight Glorfindel.”

 

Erestor watched as Glorfindel’s breath evened out in sleep. Why would the Valar not take away his dreams?

 

“Sleep well Fin, I’ll protect your dreams as well as I can."

 

…

 

Bellasiel jumped on the bed. These elves would sleep about all day if she left them. Her paw landed on the golden one. She let out a growl and licked his face. _Time to wake up._

 

Glorfindel put a hand out encountering soft fur and whiskers. “Bellasiel?” He tried to avoid her licks. “Stop it I’m awake.” She hopped off him. Glorfindel dropped back onto the pillow. He sighed content. He felt rested, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

There was some light coming in from a small window in the wall. Anor seemed to have risen some time ago. He rolled over. His elf was still asleep, his hair fanned out on the pillow. His hands were tucked close to him and he could see the angry line of scar tissue on his wrist. He was not ignorant when it came to wounds. They looked self-inflicted. But a wound like that, he shouldn’t have healed. _Who are you?_

 

“Meldir…Meldir? Wake up.”

 

Bellasiel walked over to the other side and placed her head on the elf’s stomach. “I wouldn’t, I don’t think he would thank you for cat breath in the morning.”

 

Her eyes stared at him. _I will if I want to._

 

“Is it morning already?” Erector’s eyes opened slowly. It took him a moment to understand that yes it was morning, and Bellasiel was not the only one in his chambers. He shot up quickly. He found Glorfindel looking at him surprised.

“Glorfindel?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You stayed.”

 

“Yes.”

 

_“Won't you stay with me tonight Elrond?”_

_“I can’t.”_

_Erestor sat up in bed, not caring that he was naked. Anger lit his eyes. “Are you ashamed of our_ _relationship Elrond?”_

_“No.” Yes. “Why would you say that?” Elrond began dressing quickly. “I have some work that_

_needs to be done before the guests arrive from Mirkwood.”_

_“They won’t arrive for several more days, surely it can wait.”_

_“I can’t stay Erestor.” Elrond moved closer to the door._

_“I’m tired Elrond, I would like you to sleep with me. I like holding you.”_

_Elrond left without saying anything in response._

_Erestor stared at the door, unaware that he had stopped crying after Elrond a long time ago._

Erestor was unaware he was smiling. He was so happy that Glorfindel had stayed with him.

 

…

 

Elrond watched Glorfindel that day.

 

The elf was practically glowing. He looked revitalized. “Did you find something to help with the nightmares?”

 

Glorfindel beamed at him. “More or less.”

 

Elrond stared at him then. Had his councilor found someone to help him through the night? He felt the need to council his friend. “One night stands are not the answer to your nightmares, Glorfindel.” Glorfindel frowned at him. “It wasn’t a one night stand Elrond. I found someone to talk to, he helped me through it.”

 

Elrond stacked his papers in a corner of his desk. He would deal with them later.

 

“That’s great then. I’m glad for you. I am going to have lunch with Celebrian, would you care to join us?”

 

Glorfindel nodded and both elves left to find the ellyth.

 

…

 

Erestor walked in the gardens his day couldn’t be more complete. Glorfindel was nothing like Elrond. They couldn’t be more different. “Master Erestor!”

 

He froze in his tracks. Someone had spotted him. He turned and smiled instinctively, hiding his mounting turmoil at being called out by Lady Celebrian.

 

“My Lady, Mae Goeven.”

 

“Mae Goeven. I saw you walking and I came to join you.” She hurried to him.

 

“You really shouldn’t run.”

 

“I’m not running, I’m just walking very quickly.” Her hands were splayed protectively over her growing abdomen.

 

“Where are your hand maids?” Erestor asked, concerned for the well being of the ellyth.

 

“I left them in another part of the garden.”

 

“You slipped away, in other words.”

 

Celebrian winced. “They can be very cloying sometimes, Master Erestor, I feel like I can’t breathe with them around sometimes.” She gasped and then smiled laughing.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Don’t be so alarmed, it’s the babies! I just felt them move!” She grades Erestor’s hands

and placed them on her belly.

 

Erestor tried to remove his hand but the ellyth was strong. And soon he felt the movement within her, he pressed his hand to her belly wanting to feel that movement for himself. His eyes shot to hers and they widened in surprise.

 

“Aren’t you scared they will kick their way out?”

 

“No, that is not how they will come out. They will not be ready to welcome the world for a little while longer.”

 

Erestor nodded sagely. Yes, he knew how babes were born. He had his fair share of helping in the healing wing.

 

“It is truly an amazing thing, my Lady.”

 

Celebrian blushed. “Thank you.”

 

Movement in the greenery caused Erestor to straighten up. His heart plummeted. If not for Glorfindel’s golden hair he could have been mistaken for Elrond’s brother. Their heads were bent together in discussion and every once in a while one would laugh. The closer they got, the more of their conversation could be heard. Elrond was speaking about the twins, telling Glorfindel all that he would want to teach them. What Glorfindel said next caused him to hold his breath.

 

“I love elflings Elrond, in time, I hope that in this life I will be able to settle down and have my own."

 

Erestor had to leave. He tried to hide his changing mood but Celebrian caught the shift in his emotions. He removed his hand from her belly. “Excuse me, but I must go.” He didn’t wait to be dismissed but simply turned and left.

 

By the time Glorfindel and Elrond joined them Celebrian was watching Erestor’s departure. He had hunched into himself, and she wondered about him.

 

“Celebrian!” Glorfindel brought her into a hug causing her to laugh.

 

“Hey now, unhand my wife!” Elrond joked. “Where are your hand maids?”

 

“Oh Elrond, now you sound like Erestor.”

 

Elrond stiffened but he hid it quickly. “Was he just here?”

 

“Yes, I found him in the gardens, he joined me for the rest of my walk he just left.” She eyed her husband knowing something had transpired but not sure what. Elrond hid whatever it was well, she couldn’t glean anything from him.

 

“Erestor? Isn’t that the elf you were supposed to introduce me to?” Glorfindel said.

 

“Yes well, I doubt he would want anyone’s company right now. He is very private about his life.” Private? Who did that sound like? “Maybe you can arrange one of your accidental meetings so I can finally meet him.”

 

Celebrian laughed. “I think Elrond is right, I practically had to drag him around for company. Maybe later.”

  
Glorfindel nodded, and the three of them went to the area he and Elrond had set up for lunch.

 

…

 

I love elflings. I love elflings…have my own.

 

He wants to have his own family.

 

Why did that hurt his heart so much?

 

He had been beginning to love Glorfindel. He is never going to accept me!

 

“I can’t give him elflings.” Erestor wailed.

 

He retreated into the library. He slammed his door closed and ripped his robe off.

 

Bellasiel looked up from the couch. _If you keep slamming doors people will hear you._

 

Erestor sat on the couch, the tears flowing down his eyes.

 

Bellasiel crawled into his lap, lying on him as much as possible. _Go ahead, cry. You will feel better for it. I promise you._

 

He wrapped his arms around her neck and sobbed into her fur.

 

…

 

The nightmares continued that night. He had hoped to stay again with his elf that night but the door was locked. Despite his knocking it remained that way, he couldn’t even tell if there was life inside. He left to go to his chambers.

He knew the nightmares would continue. Somehow, when he was alone they always found him. He had acquired the chamomile tea from Elrond, but he wondered if it was the presence of another elf and not the tea that helped to keep the nightmares at bay.

_~_

_The Balrog’s whip lashed his back and he saw it as he fell to his knees. Ecthelion. Dear_

_Ecthelion. He plunged his sword into the Balrog’s chest and as the Balrog fell his friend jumped_ _into the fountain trying to avoid the fire._

_The Balrog fell on top of the fountain, killing him._ _He was screaming then. Wailing his loss to whoever could hear him. “Ecthelion!” He roared. He found the strength to stand and fought._

_He was on fire._

_He could feel his skin burning where the whip had touched him._ _“You will die here!” In the same move Ecthelion made he plunged the sword into the beast’s chest. He withdrew the blade smiling savagely as the beast died._

_Another whip wrapped around_ _his waist then and he screamed. He turned severing the whip. His heart fluttered at the sight of such a huge creature. It was the largest Balrog he had ever seen._

_He steeled himself and faced his foe._

_~_

He went immediately to that hidden staircase in the library. Up the stairs and to the door.

 

“Meldir!”

 

Erestor forgot he was avoiding Glorfindel. He opened the door and gasped when he saw him. Glorfindel looked even worse than the night before. “Fin!”

 

“I had nowhere else to go, I’m sorry. Here, just felt right.” Glorfindel stumbled across the doorway and crashed to the floor. Erestor cried out in alarm.

 

“Glorfindel? Glorfindel?” He slapped his face several times but the blond elf wasn’t waking up. Panic settled into his heart. Glorfindel had been a constant in his life, and he had watched slowly as the nightmares had taken hold and began eating away at his health. He needed to get him into bed.

 

He didn’t think but bent, scooping up the larger elf. His back strained but he locked his knees and lifted the other elf.

 

Bellasiel sensed that there was something wrong, in the way animals can be in tuned with nature, and other things. While Erestor was focused on Glorfindel, Bellasiel slipped out the open door.

 

Erestor walked into his chambers and placed his friend on his bed. His eyes had closed and his heart skipped another beat. He felt Glorfindel’s forehead. Clammy. He fought the urge to slap him again, to see if that would rouse him. How much of his strength was sapped every time he relived his death in his nightmares?

 

He started boiling water for some tea and after heating up bricks wrapped them up in towels placing them by the feet. He ran to the wooden chest digging out thick comforters and placed them over Glorfindel. He tried to grasp Glorfindel’s hand and a small smile cracked on his face.

 

Glorfindel had tied a ribbon around his wrist. It was the same one he had tied to his head. A time that seemed so long ago. He raised his hand to brush the hair out of Glorfindel’s face.

 

“Hey, you got to wake up for me. You haven’t even guessed my name yet.” Erestor tried to hold onto the smile but it didn’t last. Tears rolled down his face, and he fought the urge to cry out, ending in hiccups.

 

Looks like cutting Glorfindel completely out of his life wasn’t an option.

 

Unlike Elrond, Glorfindel it seemed couldn’t leave him alone.


	4. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter (there will be an epilogue), there is mature content in this chapter so if you're not comfortable with it, feel free to skip to the epilogue.

Bellasiel didn’t bother trying to gather the attention of the few passing elves. She was looking for one in particular. He would help her family. Erestor had told her many things about the elf who had broken his heart.

 

One of the things she remembered was that he was a healer. On many of her nighttime walks with Erestor, he had passed by the family wing telling her where the elves slept. Of the lives that they led and how he used to fit in them. He would forgive her eventually for bring Elrond to him, but there was whole that needed healing in her masters fëa. This would be a perfect time for them to meet again, and resolve their issues.

 

She went to Elrond’s room and stretched on the door raking it with her claws. The noise alone would get attention she knew of the residents inside. Elrond was sitting with Celebrian watching her sow garments for their sons when he heard the noise. It sounded like a cat scratching the door. Where did all these stray cats come from? He stood and opened the door. When he saw her, he let out a squeak.

 

This was no stray cat but a predatory creature he had never seen before.

 

Her amber eyes stared at him intelligently.

 

Celebrian eyed the cat from behind her husband. “Elrond, what’s going on?”

 

_// My master needs your help. You are a healer. //_

 

Elrond carefully closed his journal of notes, slipping them into his pocket. She approached him, her massive paws never making a sound.

 

_//My master needs your help. //_ She repeated. _// You are a healer. //_ Gently, she gripped his wrist with her jaws and pulled. _//Follow me. //_

 

When Elrond took several steps, she let go and walked a ways before turning.

 

“Elrond, I think she wants you to follow her.”

 

“How do you know it’s a she?”

 

Celebrian gave him a look that said ‘really ’?

 

He shrugged and they followed.

 

He tried to ignore the few stares of elves looking on in curiosity. They arrived at the door of the library. What was in the library that they needed to see? And whose animal was this. When the big cat disappeared in the wall he blinked thinking he imagined it.

 

Celebrian rushed forward ahead of him. “Elrond hurry!” He followed his wife.

 

_Stairs._

_A door._

_It was open._

 

Erestor blinked as Bellasiel jumped on the bed nudging her body closer to Glorfindel’s.

 

“Hey where did you go?”

 

“Erestor?”

 

Erestor whipped around. Another invasion into his privacy! “Elrond…Lady Celebrian.”

 

Elrond moved over to the other side of the bed. “I’ll question how you squirreled away your own set of chambers in the library later.” His voice cracked like a whip. “What happened Erestor?”

 

Erestor stood trying to gather himself before the other elf. “He was complaining of nightmares and came over, like he normally does. He just collapsed.”

 

Elrond checked his pulse, his breathing, and finally lifted an eye. “His nightmares have drained him. He just needs a little bit of rest.” He stood back. “I’ll release him of his duties for now. There is not a lot needed right now. Now Erestor, what have you been up to?”

 

Erestor winced. He was pretty sure Elrond wasn’t talking about the rooms. Elrond was looking at Bellasiel.

 

“Isn’t she great?”

 

“What is a wild animal doing here?”

 

Erestor noticed the vein ticking along his neck. He was pissed.

 

“She’s not wild.” _Lie_. “She is very well behaved.” _Sort of._ “She was going to be killed.” _Truth_.

 

Elrond’s eyes narrowed. “You can’t keep her Erestor.”

 

Celebrian was quiet as she watched the exchange between Erestor and Elrond. And she noticed many things. She remembered Erestor from when she had arrived in Ilmadris. He was the oddest elf she had ever met.

 

_[Flashback]_

_Galadriel walked with her daughter through Ilmadris’s courtyard. Celeborn was on her other_ _side. They had made the trek from Lothlorien to Ilmadris in order to hand her over to Elrond. Her mother had seen her married to the half elf, and because it was necessary for the future of Arda, she would marry this Elrond half elven. She had never met him before._

_“What if I don’t like him?” She pleaded one more time with her mother._

_“You will grow to like him,” her eyes darted to Celeborn “With time.”_

_“You should listen to your mother, the future of Arda will depend on it.”_

_They both knew what he wasn’t saying. Her mother had never been wrong with what she saw. If_ _it was important that she marry this elf, then she had to._

_He was standing next to another elf. His eyes were di_ _fferent, almost almond shaped and they were sharp. She couldn’t distinguish their color because they were ever changing. His hair was black and seemed to be a shadow that followed him. He was tall and had a lithe form from what she could see. Very intelligent. She could respect an elf with a sharp mind._

_But who was this elf standing next to him? He looked like a healer, his robes seemed to be_ _smudged with poultices. There were laugh lines around his eyes, something unseen in elves due to their immortal status. He seemed one to laugh a lot. Two small braids decorated his temples and when his eyes made contact with her she could see he was stunned by her._

_She preened slightly at the attention._

_Galadriel greeted Elrond, and Celebrian did a double take. Her parents were handing her over_ _to…this? This elf that looked like he didn’t even know how to dress to meet guests?_

_Her eyes_ _flicked to the other elf standing by him and paused. He was studying her intently. She felt naked under his gaze, exposed. It was like having her mother gaze on her. Valar touched, that’s what that gaze reminded her of._

_Galadriel greeted the elf. Erestor was his name._

_“What do you think advisor. Is not my daughter fair?”_

_He looked at her again and the gaze he leveled on her felt like a weight, smothering her. “I think,_ _that if she has a kind heart, it does not matter if she is fair.” He smiled at her then. “Welcome to Ilmadris Lady Celebrian. It is not Lothlorien, but I hope you will find it home.”_

_He turned then_ _and met Galadriel’s gaze. It was not her imagination but she saw her mother stiffen. Erestor, apparently was an elf not to be intimidated, not even by her mother._

_And she intimidated_ _everyone._

_He gave her mother a small nod of his head, and to Celeborn, and left slipping o_ _ff to who knew where._

_He had helped her to slip in to life in Ilmadris but she had always sensed that after she came,_ _things were different between him and Elrond._

_She would later find out that he would resign from being Elrond’s advisor and would take up a_ _position in the library. The sharp-tongued elf retreated into himself, becoming a shadow of life. Becoming a shadow of what she remembered him that day to be._

_[End Flashback]_

 

She was ashamed to say that after Erestor withdrew from Elrond’s life, she had forgotten him, except for those occasional moments where they would bump into each other they rarely interacted. She did not see him in the Fire Hall, so here must be where he took his meals. ‘If she has a kind heart,’ he had said.

 

She had watched him when they entered the room. He had been crying over Glorfindel.

Somehow, simply by Glorfindel being Glorfindel, he had managed to capture Erestor’s heart.

 

She wondered if he knew the treasure he had stolen, and what the cost would be if he broke it. The ‘wild animal’ had obviously been Erestor’s ploy at reaching out for companionship. ‘Bellasiel’ was apparently very fond of Erestor as well. She would have to step in to show Elrond the error of his ways, because whenever it came to Erestor, for some odd reason he had a blind spot.

 

She tuned back into the conversation being had.

 

“I am keeping her Elrond, and that is final.” Erestor snarled. He was facing against Elrond now, Bellasiel behind him watched the elves.

 

“She is a wild animal! She could be a danger to the elves surrounding her! What if she became rabid and attacked my children? Did you ever think of that?” Elrond shot back.

 

“Despite having your blood, Elrond, they will not be stupid. They will know better, they are not going to poke at an enraged animal.”

 

Elrond’s vein ticked harder. He spluttered at Erestor’s insult but before he could continue Celebrian stepped in, putting her hand on his arm.

 

“Elrond, Erestor is seeking company from Bellasiel. And besides, you heard him, he saved her life. She is quite tame, and you never knew about her until now. She will be fine.” Bellasiel got up and offered her head to Celebrian. These elves might not be able to understand her, but she could understand them. She liked this ellyth.

 

Elrond was still looking for an argument. “And what about these rooms? You’re practically a hermit Erestor, weren’t the quarters I gave you enough?”

 

“No,” Erestor growled. “I needed privacy. Privacy means being away. From you!”

 

There was a meaning in there Celebrian knew, but she wouldn’t touch on it now. Elrond had never divulged his love life to her before they bonded, and she had declined to do the same. It wasn’t important now, and nothing could be done about it either.

 

Erestor knew Celebrian was smart, and he didn’t want to fight in front of her. Despite all that Elrond had done, Celebrian was a fine ellyth, and she didn’t deserve to hear this. “I’m done, Elrond.” He said softly. “I’m done.”

 

Celebrian tried to apologize to Erestor with her eyes but he wasn’t looking at her. He was staring at Elrond in that way he had, as if he was looking directly into that elf’s fëa. Erestor held his gaze, but it was Elrond who broke it. He turned and left.

 

Celebrian watched him go. She met Erestor’s gaze then and saw what she had not noticed before. He was trembling. She didn’t know if he would welcome her touch. She didn’t really know if any elf really knew Erestor.

 

She embraced Erestor hugging him fiercely.

 

“I’m so sorry.” She didn’t realize she was crying.

 

Erestor gently broke Celebrian’s hold. “Thank you, Celebrian, but please, I need to be alone.”  He smiled gently at her.

 

She nodded. “Elrond said he would need rest. He’ll be fine Erestor, he just needs rest.”

He nodded at her that he had heard. She turned and left.

 

When he had given Celebrian the proper amount of time to leave he closed the door. The first thing he laid his hands on was the porcelain wash basin. He threw it as hard as he could not caring that he spilled water. Not caring that the basin broke apart against the stone wall. His rage flowed through him.

 

He clenched his fists trying to contain his anger at Elrond. His heart hurt, when had it ever stopped hurting? He constantly lied to himself about not feeling anything! It wasn’t Celebrian’s fault that her mother saw a future she wanted to make happen. It wasn’t Elrond’s fault but it was. He didn’t fight it when the marriage was arranged.

 

_How could he have tossed me aside?_

 

Bellasiel rushed over to Erestor and pounced on him, knocking him over. She placed her weight on him and growled. _You should stop breaking things. It is not helping you._

 

He rubbed her head. “Why did you bring him here?”

 

_I hoped it would help, maybe I was wrong._

“It’s alright Bellasiel, your heart was in the right place.You are one of the best things that I’ve ever done. Now get off of me. I’m going to go clean my mess and see to Glorfindel.” She growled once more but moved off of Erestor. It wouldn’t be long now before Glorfindel gained consciousness. He had to believe that.

 

When Erestor cleaned up his mess he joined Glorfindel on his bed. It had been a while since he had slept with anyone… he burrowed under the covers and tried to sleep.

 

…

 

Glorfindel turned in his sleep and burrowed into the warmth emanating from the bed. He was so tired. He tried to bring that warmth closer to him. If it was possible to crawl into the heat he would have.

 

“Glorfindel, I’m happy you’re feeling better, but I am not a pillow.”

 

Glorfindel opened one eye. He had semi-rolled onto his mysterious elf. “Oh! I’m sorry!”

 

“It’s alright.” Erestor sat up in bed and unconsciously rubbed his wrist his fingers playing over the scar tissue.

 

Glorfindel eyed his friend. His eyes were puffy as if he had been crying. There were slight dark circles under his eyes and it looked like he had slept fitfully.

 

For once his mind wasn’t clouded by his nightmares, and he saw things with new eyes.

‘He likes his privacy…works in the library.’ Glorfindel closed his eyes. All the clues he had gathered began fitting into place. He eyed the elf that must be Erestor. Yes, it made sense now.

 

He bet that if he looked in the wardrobe in the corner of the room there would be a white robe inside. He sat up mirroring his mysterious elf. He leaned closer. “Hannon le, meldir.”

 

“I only did what any good friend would do, no reason to thank me.” Erestor didn’t meet his gaze.

 

Glorfindel leaned closer and kissed Erestor’s cheek. Erestor met his gaze then in shock.

“Glorfindel?”

 

“Hannon Le, Erestor.”

 

Erestor couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Glorfindel had called him by his name.

 

“When did you find out?” He stuttered.

 

Glorfindel smiled. “I just put it together.”

 

Erestor’s heart swelled. He didn’t think about his injured heart, or how it would be even more injured because of Glorfindel’s rejection. He reached over, his hand caressing Glorfindel’s cheek and kissed him on those parted lips.

 

He would savor this kiss for the rest of his life. He would…Glorfindel wasn’t pushing him away. He groaned as Glorfindel deepened the kiss. He fell back on the bed,

Glorfindel coming down on top of him.

 

He was being devoured, consumed. Elrond had kissed him, but never like this. Like he would die without him.

 

Glorfindel’s hands were everywhere. Someone was moaning. It was him.

 

“Erestor.” Glorfindel was moaning right along with him. His mouth was on his lips, his chin, his neck. The feeling of Glorfindel’s mouth leaving marks on his neck made him feel like he was being possessed, owned. He had to stop this. He had to guard what little bit of his heart was left to him.

 

“Glorfindel…Glorfindel stop!”

 

Glorfindel stopped nibbling on Erestor and looked at him. Tears were streaming down his face, he covered his eyes with his hands.

 

“Erestor what is wrong?”

 

“I can’t do this.”

 

“Why? I guarantee you will enjoy yourself.”

 

Erestor sniffed trying to get his emotions in check but he was failing miserably. He couldn’t have sex with Glorfindel and it not mean anything. It would kill him. It would be too much like how Elrond had treated him. _I love elflings._

 

“I can’t just have sex with you Glorfindel, I’m not that kind of elf. It means something to me, I need it to mean something to you too.” The last part came out in a sob and he was ashamed to say he was hiccupping.

 

“Well that’s great Erestor, because yeah, this means more than just sex for me. I have spent practically every night with you. I may not have known what to call you, but I was beginning to get to know you, and fall in love. Erestor, I would like to have a relationship with you.”

 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The Valar were to cruel. “You can’t have a relationship with me, Glorfindel! I can’t give you any children!” He was sobbing harder now and he couldn’t look at Glorfindel through his tears.

 

Glorfindel was silent.

 

He felt the weight shift off himself and felt the loss of that weight. Glorfindel was leaving him. Just like Elrond. Seconds passed, and he heard footsteps coming back. The weight returned and then hands were taking his away from his eyes. There was a warm cloth wiping his tears away.

 

“Yes, I love children, but Erestor, we can adopt.” Glorfindel said.

 

“What?”

 

“We can adopt. I might not be able to have kids biologically, but we can adopt elflings and I will love them as if you bore them yourself. They will be ours. I won’t abandon you.” He paused and then said quietly. “Like, Elrond did.”

 

“What?”

 

Glorfindel smiled softly. “I figured it out Erestor…no please don’t cry.”

 

Erestor couldn’t help it, he began crying harder.

 

Glorfindel tried for humor. “Did anyone ever tell you, you are an ugly crier?”

 

Erestor began to laugh then, and threw his arms around Glorfindel’s neck.

 

He was loved.

 

…

 

Glorfindel held Erestor against him on the bed. His fingers traced the scar on Erestor’s wrists. “Will you tell me about these?”

 

Erestor looked at Glorfindel’s fingers and how they held his wrist so carefully. He had never told anyone about that day. Not even Elrond knew. The Valar had returned to him healed, so what need did he have for a healer? Why should Elrond know about how broken he had left him?

 

“I...” He swallowed.

 

Glorfindel hugged him tighter from behind.

 

“It was the day Elrond told me he was leaving me. I couldn’t believe it. Galadriel had ‘ _seen’_ a vision of the Lady Celebrian swelled with child from Elrond. Her children would be important to Arda someday so she dragged her daughter from Lothlorien all the way to Ilmadris to be married.”

 

He rubbed the scar, his thumb digging into it unintentionally. He was unaware that his voice hitched. “She will give me what I need. That night I slit my wrist with the knife he had given me for my begetting.”

 

Glorfindel cursed silently behind him. Erestor’s comment about the children he couldn’t give him made sense. He was afraid he would leave him for the same reasons. Suddenly he wanted to find Elrond and deck him.

 

“Who healed you? Those wounds should have been fatal.”

 

Erestor laughed, it was an ugly sound, it wasn’t full of joy. “The Valar wouldn’t take me. ‘It’s not your time’ they said.”

 

Glorfindel was shocked. He had never heard of such a thing. He was so lost in his thoughts he almost missed Erestor’s next words. They were said with such

pain that it wrenched his heart. “He didn’t even fight for me.”

 

Glorfindel felt Erestor’s tears on his arms. He was crying again.

 

“He wanted to love you Erestor, but he couldn’t. It’s time, you need to let it go.”

 

Cradled in Glorfindel’s arms he let go of his anger at Elrond. Let go of his hatred. He was so tired. So tired of being tired.

 

Glorfindel held Erestor until he fell asleep. It was a healing sleep his eyes closed. Slowly, so as not to wake him, he gently laid him down into the bed. He covered him and kissed his forehead.

 

“Sleep my heart. I’ll be right back.”

 

Bellasiel jumped on the bed and lay next to Erestor. “Take care of him for me, I’ll be right back.”

 

She nestled her head on Erestor’s stomach and yawned. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Quietly he left the chambers in search of the half elf.

 

He found Elrond in his chambers. Celebrian was there as well. She was sitting down trying to focus on a book, but she was failing. She continued to watch Elrond pace never turning a page.

 

“Elrond!” He stopped and turned and gulped. Glorfindel looked very much the reborn warrior. His color was back and he never looked more revived. He grabbed fistfuls of Elrond’s shirt and shook him.

 

“Glorfindel!” Celebrian cried out.

 

“How could you do that to him?” He shook him again. “How?”

 

Elrond fought to break Glorfindel’s grip. When he couldn’t he tried to get his feet back under him. “What are you talking about!?” He shouted back.

 

“Erestor! You almost killed him that night when you left!”

 

Elrond’s face paled. _No. He hadn’t heard right._

 

“Erestor slit his wrists that night, I saw the scars. He should rightfully be dead but the Valar wouldn’t take him. They returned him and healed his wounds.” He let go of Elrond, like he couldn’t stand to touch him. “I thought better of you.”

 

Celebrian felt the anguish through her bond with Elrond. But she also felt the guilt, and the shame Elrond held. What Glorfindel said had been true. Erestor and Elrond’s actions now made perfect sense. Erestor had been Elrond’s lover before she had come into the picture. He had left him, for her. Erestor had been kind to her, she clutched her chest. She didn’t deserve such kindness.

 

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize to me!” Glorfindel snarled.

 

“I wish you could recognize the strength in that elf, because regardless of the Valar returning him he should have faded.”

 

Elrond swallowed. It was a long time coming, but yes, he did owe Erestor an apology.

 

“He told you?”

 

“No, Erestor was never one to air his secrets. I figured it out.” Glorfindel’s anger was

gone. He breathed in sharply.

 

“I almost lost him Elrond.”

 

Elrond’s breath hitched. “You love him?”

 

He faced the elf Lord. “Yes, I do.”

 

Elrond nodded at the warrior in front of him. “Do better than me, Glorfindel.”

With a curt nod of his own, he left. Elrond turned and faced Celebrian. Her face was pale and there was a cold glint in her eye.

 

“He was nothing but kind to me Elrond. He didn’t have to be. How could you do that to him?”

 

Tears leaked down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking from the emotions she felt.

 

He went to her, and knelt placing himself at a lower level. “I’ve wronged both of you, I am so sorry.”

 

“We are not perfect Elrond, but tomorrow, when the sun rises? You need to apologize to him.”

 

“I will.”

 

Glorfindel returned to those secreted chambers. He quickly stripped and after shoving a very vocal Bellasiel aside he spooned up behind Erestor. The captain wrapped his arms around his elf and fell into a peaceful sleep, breathing in Erestor’s scent to help calm his raging emotions.

 

…

Erestor woke the next morning to soft butterfly kisses along his neck, down to his chest. He must be dreaming. There was tug and then a sucking sensation on his nipple and he arched into the touch. The pleasure from it going straight to his groin.

 

_Where had his shirt gone?_

 

He woke with a cry. “Fin?”

 

The sheets were moving. A golden head popped out. “I love it when you call me Fin.”

He disappeared back underneath the sheets. “What are you…”

 

His head rocked back as his erection was taken into Glorfindel’s mouth.

 

_Where were his pants?_  
  


The wet heat of Glorfindel’s mouth and the pressure of his tongue was driving him mad. The golden elf must have removed his pants sometime while he was asleep.

 

Glorfindel tasted his lover and purred content, he hollowed out his mouth sucking hard. His fingers playing with the heavy sacks beneath, wringing out moans from his partner. He wanted to continue to hear Erestor’s cries of pleasure, it was the best music he had ever heard.

 

“Glorfindel! I’m going to…” Erestor never finished. His release was ripped from him and he cried out Glorfindel’s name. The captain swallowed his release, pleased with the taste of his mate.

 

Erestor was floating on ecstasy when he felt the intrusion of Glorfindel’s finger as he entered him. How long had it been since he had known pleasure like this?

 

Glorfindel prepared his soon to be mate carefully. Their first time would not be long, but he would make sure Erestor enjoyed it. When Erestor was writhing on his fingers, fully hard again and pushing back, he knew his mate was ready. He oiled himself and moved the sheets so he could see him. Erestor was flushed and looking full debauched underneath him and he reveled in it. He wanted to remember their first time till he sailed from Arda.

 

Erestor looked at Glorfindel and smiled. His face held a blush and there was a sheen of sweat along his body. His chest was littered with marks and his nipples were red from his attentions on them. He reached down and splayed his hand over his heart, feeling the heartbeat beating fast like a bird.

 

He gently added pressure to Erestor’s thighs encouraging him to make room for him.

 

“Are you ready my heart?”

 

Erestor looked deep into his blue eyes and nodded, nothing but love for the other elf shining through his eyes. “Findel, please. I am yours.”

 

Glorfindel growled at Erestor’s words, and lined himself up. Slowly he entered him, inch by inch, not stopping until he was fully seated up to the hilt. Erestor stared into his eyes, his gaze tracing his face as if it were his fingers touching him.

 

Glorfindel’s arms were supporting him but he wanted for Erestor to touch him. “Touch me husband mine. You are mine now, and I would feel your hands on me.”

 

Erestor mewled softly and lifted his hands. Tracing Glorfindel’s fingers, taking the same trail his eyes had. He leaned up and followed again with his mouth. Kissing the corner of Glorfindel’s mouth, his chin, and finding the vein that pulsed on the Captain’s neck.

 

Glorfindel began to move. He pulled back only to slide back into Erestor.

 

He gripped Glorfindel’s shoulders, his mouth open on a gasp.

 

With every thrust Glorfindel found the sweet spot that caused the elf beneath him to writhe and moan becoming even more undone beneath him. He bent forward now continuing to thrust as he kissed Erestor.

 

When he broke off the kiss he noticed that Erestor’s eyes had closed in pleasure. “Erestor, look at me.”

 

Erestor opened his eyes. With every word, he punctuated them with a rolling thrust of his hips driving himself inside harder, claiming him with every thrust.

 

“You, are, loved, my heart.”

 

“Yes.” Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes at Glorfindel’s words and the near pain of the pleasure he was in.

 

“You are mine!”

 

Glorfindel reached between them and grasped his mates shaft, pumping him in time to his thrusts, bringing Erestor over the edge. With a cry Erestor shot his release between them and Glorfindel joined him, thrusting hard as he filled him.

 

Erestor felt the warmth filling him and he never felt so complete. He was the first to catch his breath and slowly kissed his husband. “My husband, my mate.”

 

Glorfindel put his arms around Erestor, not wanting to move but to remain seated inside his husband. “Forever meldir, whatever comes I am yours.”

 

Erestor peppered him with kisses, his heart full.

 


	5. Blessed by the Valar

**Epilogue**

 

Over time Glorfindel had moved his small number of belongings into Erestor’s chambers. They had moved in together after the bonding ceremony and Elrond had happily handed Erestor over to Glorfindel. The next day after making love with Glorfindel, Elrond had paid him a visit.

 

They had talked for a long time and Erestor finally got the apology that he had needed from the half elf. Their friendship might never be as it was before, but it was off to a better start.

 

Erestor clutched his stomach and groaned. He probably ate too much at his own celebration. The cook had overdone herself with so many rich foods. The icing though on his cake, he was pretty sure was going to be the death of him. He always had a bad sweet tooth. He seemed to have forgotten that in his grief.

 

Bellasiel, now practically full grown was lying near Erestor’s feet keeping them warm. Her tail twitched, there was something different about her master. She wondered if he knew that life had taken hold inside of him. Her ear twitched.

 

There was knock on his door. “Come in!” He yelled out.

 

“Erestor!” Celebrian ran into the room. She had long since given birth to the twins and was relishing being able to move about without having Elrond freaking out over her condition. “Let me see.”

 

“What? Hey what are you doing?” Erestor couldn’t move from the couch as Celebrian approached him. He didn’t like the look in her eye. Her hand shot out and landed on his stomach.

 

“What are you doing?” He repeated.

 

She squealed and he flinched. “What?” He couldn’t take it anymore, what was wrong with her?

 

“I have to get Glorfindel.” She turned and then came back. “No, Elrond.” She left then came back. Don’t just sit there Erestor come with me!” She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him down the steps running to Lord Elrond’s office. Bellasiel ran after them, she could sense the stress coming off of him at the ellyth’s actions.

 

“Celebrian, please I’m going to be sick!”

 

“Just breathe, I promise it will pass!”

 

“What will pass?”

 

“The morning sickness!”

_What?_

 

Celebrian threw open the office door, it crashed against the wall. Glorfindel jumped up from his chair and Elrond’s papers fell to the floor.

 

“What’s wrong?” They both said.

 

“Elrond tell me I’m right.” She shoved Erestor in front of her.

 

“Will someone please make sense?” Erestor shrieked. They were beginning to get on his nerves. All of them. He had gone from not having anyone to all of a sudden having his life upended.

 

Gloriously upended.

 

Celebrian was grinning ear to ear. “I had a dream, a vision if you will.”

 

Erestor flinched. He hated that word. Glorfindel walked closer to him putting a comforting hand on his husband’s shoulders. “Elrond, he’s pregnant!”

 

Elrond didn’t say anything but moved towards Erestor. He watched Erestor’s face and slowly, he placed his hand on Erestor’s stomach and sent healing energy into his old friend. He dropped his hand. There was a look of curiosity and wonder in his eyes.

 

“Erestor you are truly blessed by the Valar.”

 

“What is it?” Erestor whispered. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

 

“Erestor, you’re pregnant.” Elrond told him.

 

Glorfindel didn’t have time to cry for joy, he had to catch his husband. The poor elf had fainted.

 

Bellasiel joined her Master on the floor, very pleased for the happiness that her Master was about to receive. She looked up at Glorfindel and grinned, showing a mouthful of teeth.

 

Celebrian saw her and placed a hand on her head. “Happiness always seems to come in pairs Bellasiel, I wonder what he will have?”

 

Bellasiel licked her hand. _Yes, I wonder._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this fan fiction, it was my first one but I had a blast! I hope y'all enjoyed it as much as I did.


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